


Out of the Woods(3x09 Coda)

by destimushi



Series: 9-1-1 Buddie Codas [5]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 3x09 coda, Buck is trying, Coda, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, alludes to past rape, but he is just a cinnamon roll who needs to be held
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:36:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21650893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destimushi/pseuds/destimushi
Summary: They shuffle back until Buck’s calves hit the edge of his couch—theircouch, because everything that’s Buck’s belong to Eddie too—and they fall onto the cushions with soft grunts. Eddie tastes so good, his hot touch igniting every inch of Buck’s skin. It would be soeasyto give in. To strip Eddie bare and sink into him, but Buck’s got a mission, dammit, and he’s not going to let Eddie’s incredibly talented fingers distract him.Buck lays both hands on Eddie’s chest and pushes gently, their lips parting, leaving behind a sweet, aching emptiness. “Eddie,” Buck croaks, clears his throat, then tries again. “Eddie, I didn’t want to push when Chris was watching us from the living room. He’s in bed now, and we need to talk.”
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: 9-1-1 Buddie Codas [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1526861
Comments: 12
Kudos: 364





	Out of the Woods(3x09 Coda)

**Author's Note:**

> 3x09 Coda! Sorry it took me literally a week to write this, but man, life has been a demanding bitch lately haha. Please take note of the tags for this before you start. Happy reading!
> 
> Unbetad, so please excuse the mistakes T_T!

Buck leans back against the kitchen counter, looking up the stairs and into the loft bedroom as he waits for Eddie to say his goodnight and give Chris a kiss on the cheek. Chris mumbles something, and Eddie nods before pulling the blankets up to Chris’ chin, then he straightens and turns off the bedside lamp. 

Eddie pads down the stairs on silent feet, and Buck walks over to meet him at the bottom of the staircase. Eddie touches Buck’s elbow and smiles up at him. “Chris says to ask you if we can have French toast for breakfast tomorrow,” Eddie whispers with a small quirk of his lips. “He says, and I quote, ‘Buck makes the best French toast’ so…” 

As if Buck needs any convincing when it comes to French toast, but that doesn’t mean he can’t play it up a bit. He grins and crowds into Eddie until Eddie’s back hits the stair railing. They’re standing so close—their chests touching with each inhale—that Buck can taste the beer on Eddie’s shallow breaths. “If I agree to make French toast for breakfast, what’s in it for me?”

Eddie swallows, his eyes narrow, and the pupils dilate with desire. “Christopher’s eternal gratitude?”

“And?” 

Eddie’s tongue flicks out as if to taste the air, the tip moistening his lips, and his eyes darken. “Whatever you want.”

Buck steps back and rakes his gaze down Eddie’s body, drinking it all in like a man dying of thirst. Eddie’s cheeks are flushed, his glistening lips parted and begging to be kissed. His chest is broad and solid beneath his button-up shirt. Buck places a hand on Eddie’s heart, and he can’t help the jolt of warmth traveling down his arm in time with the  _ thump thump thump  _ of Eddie’s heartbeat. 

“Whatever I want?” 

Eddie nods, and his downcast eyes set Buck’s skin on fire. Fuck, but when Eddie’s bashful like this, it  _ does _ things to Buck. However, as enticing as what Eddie’s offering is, and Buck will definitely take him up on that, sex isn’t what Buck wants most right now. 

He takes Eddie’s hand and threads their fingers together, leading him toward the living room. Eddie waits until they’re standing over the couch, then he’s on Buck like they share that same thirst only the other can quench. Buck allows himself this one kiss, and as Eddie’s tongue licks into his mouth, Buck almost loses his resolve. 

They shuffle back until Buck’s calves hit the edge of his couch— _ their _ couch, because everything that’s Buck’s belong to Eddie too—and they fall onto the cushions with soft grunts. Eddie tastes so good, his hot touch igniting every inch of Buck’s skin. It would be so  _ easy _ to give in. To strip Eddie bare and sink into him, but Buck’s got a mission, dammit, and he’s not going to let Eddie’s incredibly talented fingers distract him. 

Buck lays both hands on Eddie’s chest and pushes gently, their lips parting, leaving behind a sweet, aching emptiness. “Eddie,” Buck croaks, clears his throat, then tries again. “Eddie, I didn’t want to push when Chris was watching us from the living room. He’s in bed now, and we need to talk.”

Eddie’s lust-blown pupils constrict, and something akin to fear and panic colours those honey brown eyes. Buck swallows, but he needs to push on. “If you’re not clicking with Frank, why force yourself to go back? Why not find a different therapist?”

The silence hanging between them is heavy and charged, and Buck holds his breath, afraid that even a soft exhale could set that charged silence into an explosion. 

“It’s—it’s not that.” Eddie looks away and inhales deeply. 

Buck touches Eddie’s chin, tipping his face toward Buck and tilting it back so Eddie’s looking into Buck’s eyes. “Then what is it?” 

Another long pause, but this time Buck’s not letting Eddie escape. Eddie healing is too important for Buck to let things slide. 

“I...I don’t hate it,” Eddie murmurs. Buck frowns, confusion and concern warring in his head. “It sucks, but talking about it actually helps.”

“Okay, then why did you say you weren’t clicking?”

“It’s...it made more sense in my head. You’re gonna think it’s dumb.”

“We run into burning buildings for a living. Can’t get dumber than that,” Buck says with a chuckle and smoothes a thumb across Eddie’s cheek. “Baby, just tell me.”

Eddie puckers and twists his lips in that way he does when he’s trying to process his feelings and hold back his tears at the same time. Fear pools in Buck’s gut. Did he push too hard? Should he have left it at Eddie saying therapy actually helped? 

“It’s...it’s you, Buck,” Eddie whispers, and something icy slithers down Buck’s back.

“What do you mean?”

“I hate that therapy is helping me when it failed you so badly. When it violated you in the worst possible way.” Eddie’s eyes are watery with unshed tears, and there’s anger swimming behind all that sadness. 

“What are you talking—” 

“That therapist who slept with you,” Eddie growls, and his whole body trembles, spilling his tears. “She was supposed to help you. And yet—”

“Wait, but I wanted it,” Buck cuts in. “I—it was who I was.”

Eddie grips Buck’s arms, and Buck winces as fierce fingers dig into his biceps. “No, Buck. What she did, the position she was in, the  _ power _ she had over you.”

That icy slither wraps around Buck’s lungs and squeezes, and Buck recoils as those feelings he’s spent so long and tried so hard to repress slam through him. Deep down, he  _ knows _ what happened was wrong. He  _ knows _ what happened to  _ him _ was one of the ugliest forms of violation a human being can do to another. He  _ knows _ , but he doesn’t want to admit it, because admitting it makes it real. Admitting it makes him a victim, and Evan Buckley is no goddamn victim. 

But the dam’s broken, and Buck’s swept along the current whether he wants to or not. And Eddie’s right there, staring at him with so much pain and pity and anger. So much anger that it burns right through Buck’s flesh. 

“What you sought in those hookups didn’t define who you were,” Eddie says, his voice the only tether Buck has to sanity. “They don’t define who you are now. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you. I felt like...if I said that I hated it, that it would be easier, somehow, for you. But all it did was make me feel a little less guilty for benefitting from it.” 

Eddie’s grip on Buck’s arms loosen, and the next thing Buck knows, he’s tucked safely in Eddie’s arms, his back to Eddie’s chest. Eddie’s breath tickles the nape of Buck’s neck, then soft lips press to the top of Buck’s spine, and warmth spread down his back to replace that icy, icky thing in his chest with something soft. 

“Buck—Evan, you’re beautiful. Inside and out. You’re worthy, and you’re enough.” More kisses dot along Buck’s shoulder through the thick material of his hoodie. 

Buck shudders, and Eddie’s arms tighten around him. Like armour. Like a shield. Like a spell woven into the very fabric of Buck’s being until Buck’s impenetrable. 

“She”—Buck takes a shuddering breath—“she did that to me.” 

Admitting it doesn’t feel like such a hardship when Eddie’s right there to catch him, and as soon as he uttered those words, a weight he didn’t know was there lifts from his shoulders. 

“Yeah, she did, and she pinned that on you,” Eddie spits. “Bitch got off easy with just being fired.”

Buck squirms and turns around until he’s kneeling on the couch, facing Eddie. There’s too much going through Buck’s head right now. Too many emotions. Too much hurt to sort through, but in the centre of that miasma of bullshit is Eddie, shining so brightly it hurts Buck’s eyes to stare right at it. 

Eddie, who’s afraid to say he’s enjoying therapy because he’s afraid it’ll trigger something in Buck. Eddie, who takes what Abby had teased out of Buck and molds it into something tangible for Buck to hold, to see, and to appreciate about himself. 

Eddie, who’s always there to remind Buck that he’s more than enough.

Buck cups Eddie’s cheeks and swallows a few times before he finds his words. “And here I thought I was the one trying to help you.”

“You do, Buck,” Eddie says, his deep, soulful eyes so warm and sincere it makes Buck’s chest ache. “You help me, every goddamn day. Baby, I love you.”

Heat spreads from Eddie’s skin down Buck’s arms, and his entire body vibrates from the sound of those three little words falling from Eddie’s lips. Buck takes a deep breath. He wants to say it back. Wants to say it with as much feeling as he can stuff into those three little syllables, but all that comes out is a pathetic, wretched sob. 

Eddie lays down and pulls Buck on top of him, and Buck sinks into the solid form beneath him as all the hurt and confusion and betrayal flows out of him in snot and tears. Buck hasn’t stopped running since that day in the therapist’s office. Standing still scared the crap out of him, so he bulldozed on so hard and fast he missed the fact his best friend and lover needed him. 

He’s so tired of running, but he’s forgotten how to stop. 

Buck bites his fist to keep the sobs quiet, not wanting to wake Chris. He doesn't know how long he lays there, his ear pressed to Eddie’s chest, but eventually he calms down enough to hear the thumping of Eddie’s heart. 

Eddie strokes his back, his hair, and kisses the top of Buck’s head. Buck looks up at Eddie, whose eyes are red rimmed and whose cheeks are wet with tears. Something settles inside Buck’s chest, and for the first time in a long time, he stops running. 

“I love you, too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are <3 
> 
> find me on Tumblr [@imyourbuddie](https://imyourbuddie.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> join us on [Discord](https://discord.gg/QBgJPg3) for all your Buddie screaming needs!


End file.
